Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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