I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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