i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
