my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
