you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
