i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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