I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
