Your face is a jimmy john
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
