Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
