i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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