one might say we're banned from that church
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
