I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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