Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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