Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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