I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
