let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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