The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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