I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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