Small penises have feelings too.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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