i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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