i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He shit in the fireplace
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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