I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
