its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
