what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
