i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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