he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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