just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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