I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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