Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
