I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
