Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
