watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
