I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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