My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
