Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
