The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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