you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
