your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
