im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
wakey wakey hands off snakey
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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