We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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