Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
