ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
