Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
