I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've blown a few things in my day
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
