He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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