I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
