kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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