why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
