Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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