Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
