we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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